i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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