I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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