maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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