I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
