some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
