Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
