I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
