Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
