I just pynch a tree in the face
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
