I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
