i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
