My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
