Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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