Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
