Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
