I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
