shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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