are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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