Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
