you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
