In the future we'll all be gay
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
