I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
