Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
