all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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