I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
