I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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