In America we eat man semen.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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