Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
