That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
