you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
