Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
