Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
