between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
