I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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