If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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