Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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