i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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