idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
