Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
