my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
