I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
