would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
