yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
