i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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