I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
