we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
