I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
