She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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