this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
