never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
