so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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