Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
