3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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