It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
